Naomi Campbell Spits Up Her Freedom

She spits, hurls, scratches, and lies. Many rabid animals have been euthanised for much less, but somehow Naomi Campbell is still among us. However, this bird may never fly again as a result of her most recent altercation with authorities.

According to the UK's Daily Express, Naomi could be banned from flying with British Airways after spitting in a police officer's face at London's Heathrow Airport. Police got involved when Naomi went ape-shit over a problem with her luggage.


I need not say it, but I want to: Naomi Campbell is a no-class crack-ho.

Brad and Angelina Tie the Knot

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have finally tied the knot... or have they?

OK! Magazine and X-17 Online are both reporting that (ever-reliable) Star Magazine has claimed Brangelina were married today in New Orleans, Lousiana's French Quarter. Neither Barack Obama, nor Hillary Clinton were in attendance. However, Tasty Rumor is the first to share this extremely rare and unofficial wedding photo:


I'm a Doubting Debbie when it comes to this sort of news, especially since the media has cried wolf over this in its relentless speculation sooo many times in the past. Plus, why would People lie?

If it turns out to be true, though, we could have a lot more to chat about considering Brad Pitt's solemn oath to hold out until gay marriage is legalized. At the very thought, angry lesbian Mandi Hamlin is tearing out her nipple rings in protest.

Aliens, Rick Astley & Gossip Gurls

I'm experiencing modest pangs of guilt for neglecting my new blog. It's only been two weeks and I've already fallen off the bandwagon.

You deserve better, so help yourself to these tasty rumors from the past few days:

Photos of a UFO hovering over Capitola, California have been spread virally across the web by an anonymous source and are now piquing the interests of mass media.

The photos' authenticity is still in debate.

Now check this out. You win five million dollars from the Publishers Sweepstakes, and the same day that that Big Ed guy gives you the check, aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow up the world in two days — what do you do?

In unrelated news, Rick Astley says he's popular again. Who knew? The New York Times did... and now they're paying for it.

A blunder over the authenticity of a viral video called "College Basketball Game Gets Rick Roll'd" has the New York Times sucking lemons.

The real shame, however, lies in finding Rick Roll'd videos funny.

And did you hear the juicy gossip about Chace Crawford and JC Chasez?

Apparently, so did JC. He rejects and denounces being in a gay-man-on-manboy-leather-thong-role-playing-butt-sex relationship with Chase.

Scandalous! Now, why would we think that?

Sisters Crown "Hunky Jesus"

For the last 29 years, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have held an Easter Sunday contest in San Francisco with the hopes of finding "Hunky Jesus." The Pope has denounced the event and most Catholics consider the contest blasphemous.

But seriously, folks...

Why can't Jesus be hunky? Everyone likes feeling sexy.



If I were the Son of God, I'd want everyone thinking I'm a hottie. I can't imagine Jesus is all that happy that his followers (and the Pope!) think He's unsexy... like Sarah Jessica Parker.



For photos of this year's "Hunky Jesus" contestants, click here.

Flogging Sarah Marshall

ihatesarahmarshall.com is the latest flog to leave its virtual skid mark on the World Wide Web. I'm not a big fan of the flog, nor do I have any respect for trick marketing techniques... so stop sending me spam claiming I've won the Imaginationland lottery.

I'm also envisioning 1150 Sarah Marshalls wondering what, exactly, they did to deserve all of this defamatory publicity that's being plastered on billboards, bus stops, and homeless peoples' shopping-carts across the country — and asking themselves, "why do I suck?"

Idol's Resident X-Man Returns Home

So long, Rogue (aka Amanda Overmyer).
Rock on with your bad self... and not with us... anymore.


American Idol will sound better without you, and will feel less dykey.

Drunkorexia

Britain's Telegraph reports on the Patsy Stone phenomenon: "drunkorexia."

Following in the footsteps of Mischa Barton, Tara Reid, and Lindsay Lohan, the UK has swapped SlimFast for Stoli.

"With pressure on young women to drink but also remain slim, many are now swapping dinner for a large glass or two of wine..." <more>

 

 

Speaking of drunk, American Idol's Paula Abdul had to bear witness this evening to Kristy Lee Cook as she offered to "blow" Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson "out of their socks". Then, Ryan Seacrest asked David Cook ,"Can I grab you?" Total Sluts.